out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
