Just took my morning after pill in the library
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
