So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
