You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
