neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
