she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
