I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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