shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
