i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
