my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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