FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
