just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
