I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
