everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
