sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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