8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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