i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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