I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
