have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
