i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
