I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
