I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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