Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
