Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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