I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
