don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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