If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
