i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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