I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
