Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
