Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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