Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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