i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
