I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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