i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
