Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
nutella sex= disaster
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
