Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
