Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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