I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
