Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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