is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
