im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
