we have officially lost it.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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