I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
