So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
