Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
