i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
