You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
