How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
