There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
