I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
