I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come on in and take your pants off
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