i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
